“And here we are. Going backwards all the time” he said to me.

He looked me straight in my eyes. I could see the tears in his eyes. Once, I was able to see my whole world in those two, blue-skied eyes. Now, I only see tears and they don’t mean anything to me. Can you imagine that I didn’t even felt sorry for it?! It was like I was waiting for this moment all this time. I knew it was over. I couldn’t even apologize. “When did I get this much evil” - I said to myself.

 I was able to feel the distance almost a year ago. He was occupied with his work and with his friends, and didn’t even think about our relationship. I tried, I really tried. I give my most beautiful years to him. What for?

It happened a week ago. I was out with my friends; he was tired again as always to join us. We were drinking and partying all night long. There was this guy, a friend of my roommate. He was playing guitar, singing with his sensual voice. I felt some tension between the two of us, but I ignored it. Later that night or I should say early in the morning, we went home. My roommate said to me that she was going to stay at her boyfriend. So I went home alone. Five minutes after, someone rang on my doorbell. It was him. The boy with the guitar. He asked to come in, I didn’t say no. I was drunk, but that is not an excuse. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back to the room all the light were off, except the red light we had on the wall. A slow music was playing on his phone. I knew it was wrong, but something inside me was saying to do it. We started to dance. Slowly we were moving. Then he kissed me, and I didn’t oppose. I want it. That night I felt alive and loved after a long, long time.

Early in the morning, I said what happened to my boyfriend. And from then, he comes every night at my house and cries to me. But no, he is not crying for what I have done. He is crying because he is conscious that he has lost me a long time ago. I still love him, but sometimes love isn’t enough.


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